Having good social skills is important if you want to make a good impression on the people you meet. Here's some advice on what is considered polite or impolite in English-speaking cultures.
1. Please, thank you, excuse me and I'm sorry
These polite expressions are used a lot in spoken English, and not using them can make you appear rude. As politeness is considered perhaps the most important quality in relationships, make sure you use them! Don't worry if you think you use them too frequently: the worst that people will think of you is that you are sweet and charming:))
Please = use whenever you want someone to do something for you, or if you want something from another person
Can you tell me where the post office is, please?
Can you pass me that newspaper please?
Never use imperative forms unless you are giving someone directions. So although you can say to someone "Take the 130 bus to Croydon and get off at Asda supermarket", you can't say to someone "Pass me that newspaper".
Thank you = use whenever someone does something for you, or gives you something.
Excuse me = use when you want to introduce a request to someone, or if you want to get past someone
Excuse me, can you tell me where the post office is, please?
Excuse me, is this the right platform for the London train?
I'm sorry = use any time that you inconvenience someone, tread on someone's toes in a crowded train, or if someone asks you something that you can't do.
I'm sorry, but I don't understand. Is the post office on the left or the right?
Is Mr Jones in the office?
I'm sorry, he's out this morning.
2. Ask permission before doing something that may inconvenience others
Do you mind if I open the window?
Can I take this chair?
3. Avoid controversial topics when you meet someone new
Some topics of conversation can lead to arguments, so unless you know someone well, it's best to avoid them. These topics are politics, religion and financial information such as how much money you earn. If you are in doubt about what to talk about, let the other person take the lead, and respond to them. This leads on to the next point:
4. Keep the conversation going
If someone asks you a question, respond to it. Avoid one-word answers, and try to say at least a few words. Then you can return the question.
For example, if someone says "Terrible weather, isn't it", avoid just saying "yes". Instead you can say "Yes, I wish it would stop raining" or "Yes, it wasn't like this last summer, was it?"
Some cultural tips
- in Britain, queuing is considered polite. If you "jump the queue" (go to the front, rather than stand behind the last person in the queue) or push the people in front of you, you will make yourself very unpopular!
- don't stand too close to people. Stand at least an arm's length away if you can. On crowded public transport this isn't possible, but people rarely talk to each other in these situations.
- keep eye contact when you talk
66 comments on “Being friendly in English”
Hi Clare! Some excellent words and sentences! Thank you very much indeed. I am sorry to write so short! Best wishes, Behnam, 7 August 2008
"Do you mind if I open the window?"
How to answer to that question, please? I am always confused. If he/she can open the window, should I say “No” or “No, I do not mind” or “Yes, I do not mind”? Thank you.
Anara: if someone asks you "Do you mind if I open the window" and it's a problem for you, you can say:
"Actually, I do" or "I'm sorry, but I'd rather you didn't". If you don't mind, you can say "Sure, go ahead" or "No problem".
Re 2, asking permisssion: Surely not "Can I take this chair?" but "MAY I take this chair?". "Can", strictly speaking, is a part of the verb "to be able". I think of the amateur theatre group who, seeking to avoid royalties, asked Bernard Shaw "Can we play 'Pygmalion?' To which Shaw replied "You can't but you may!"
I want to thank you for this information and message.
Norman Bishhop »
"Can" is a modal verb and is used in different ways:
- to ask for and give permission (as in my example)
- to talk about possibility ("It can get cold here in winter")
- to talk about ability ("I can play the piano)
Hii
thanx very useful topic ! :)
When you are asking for permission, the choice between "can" and "may" is a bit of a problem. "May" sounds more polite, though at times overly polite. To me "can" is okay as long as the question is asked in the right tone of voice.
Clare
Thank you so much!
Wong
it's so really helpful for me as non native speaker
This is really a good site-especially for those who are learning English.Well, it's good for the teachers too.Thank you for putting this up for us.
can you please pass me that book? is it correct?
Shailesh » Yes, or "Can you pass me that book please?"
what gonna be may answer if some body asked me what am doing these days
roro » Tell them what you've been doing recently.
Excuse me. Would you please tell me what the meaning of "to get past someone" is? I couldn't get to comprehend it. Thanks in advance.
Great! I love it!!!
Thanks!!
Mohammad » It means to move past a person – especially if they are blocking your way.
are both sentences have same meaning? Would you mind? or Do you mind?
Imran Siddiqui » "Would you mind?" is more polite than "Do you mind?"
The mountain can may vanish
The rive can dery.
You forget me.
But, I never.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
"Would you mind + gerund" is used to make a request (so that someone would do something for you).
Eg. Would you mind waiting for a few minutes? I am a bit busy now.
"Do you mind if I + infinitive" is used to ask for a permission (so that you are allowed to do something).
Eg. Do you mind if I switch off the lights? I think it's too bright in here with the lights on.
May I… and Can I… are quite different in meaning. You use May I … when asking permision to do something that you are afraid this action may disturb someone. Can I… used when asking someone if we have ability to do something. Am I right?
Azian » I agree.
But we can also say "Would you mind if I + past tense" to ask for permission. It's a bit politer than "Do you mind if I + present tense".
Clare,
what do i answer, when someone ask me what's going on?
TuPhong » We also use "Can I…." to ask for permission to do something.
Bakee » Nothing much / The usual / Or you can tell the person what you've been doing recently, over the past couple of weeks etc.
how form the sentence when we ask to question to other?
Naresh » Have a look at the page on questions in the grammar section of the site.
is it polite in britain if we meet someone and ask him/her where does she/he go (asking about destination) or we just smile and say hallo.
You'd probably say "hello" first, then if you know the person you can ask "Where are you off to, then?" or "What are you up to?"
For more than a long time now, I've been looking for a decent website where I can learn how to speak English. My grammar isn't perfect and my vocabulary isn't very wide, but they're fine. I can, at least, perhaps answer a good number of grammar and vocabulary questions in an English test. However speaking is a very different thing. When I speak in English, I find it very hard to use what grammar and vocabulary I've learned. I don't know what to say and how to say what I mean to say. I can write it. But most of the time I can't speak it. It's terrible.
Now though I think I found what I've been looking for. This is the first time that I have stumbled upon this website. But even after reading just a few pages, I know that this is it. This is what could help improve my English speaking ability.
I'm thankful for this day and excited for the days a head. I'm really thankful to those who made this website.
I'm a Filipino. I've never been to other countries. And I'd love to learn foreign languages. I begin with English.
Welcome to the site! Thank you for your comment, and I hope you enjoy visiting the site.
can you show me the way to the post office,please.
i'm interested, if i read all this material on this website, will my inglish be improved?
Yes, but you need to practise as much as possible as well!
I am very thankfull to this website to improve my speaking ability,my grammer and as well as
my personality level.Now a days english is very much requierd for everybody and alot of peoples does not have so much time to go to the coaching centers and institutes to learn.
your site is really very useful and helpful,,,,
thanks
I just would like to say
that site is so great and helful!
Thanks for your work
Hi,
Is this sentence correct?
What cars! Plural
what a car! singular
Yes!
For more than a long time now, I've been looking for a decent website where I can learn how to speak English. My grammar isn't perfect and my vocabulary isn't very wide, but they're fine. I can, at least, perhaps answer a good number of grammar and vocabulary questions in an English test. However speaking is a very different thing. When I speak in English, I find it very hard to use what grammar and vocabulary I've learned. I don't know what to say and how to say what I mean to say. I can write it. But most of the time I can't speak it. It's terrible.
Now though I think I found what I've been looking for. This is the first time that I have stumbled upon this website. But even after reading just a few pages, I know that this is it. This is what could help improve my English speaking ability.
I'm thankful for this day and excited for the days a head. I'm really thankful to those who made this website.
(This is exactly what I Want to say)
It's great,I think i find a good place where I can practice my English.It's really good and I want to express my acknowledgement.
For more than a long time now, I've been looking for a decent website where I can learn how to speak English. My grammar isn't perfect and my vocabulary isn't very wide, but they're fine. I can, at least, perhaps answer a good number of grammar and vocabulary questions in an English test. However speaking is a very different thing. When I speak in English, I find it very hard to use what grammar and vocabulary I've learned. I don't know what to say and how to say what I mean to say. I can write it. But most of the time I can't speak it. It's terrible.
Now though I think I found what I've been looking for. This is the first time that I have stumbled upon this website. But even after reading just a few pages, I know that this is it. This is what could help improve my English speaking ability.
I'm thankful for this day and excited for the days a head. I'm really thankful to those who made
this net world.
may i know ?
how can i say "when will coming jet air plane ?"
means i waiting for them.
You can asl your friends "When are you arriving?"
i think i am at right place to ask this-
i am 30 yr old and have studied in english medium school from 5th std to 10th std.
i understand almost every literature or someone speaking in english and if keenly watched an english movie also.
many times whatever i have written is never objected but when it comes to speaking in english i dont know what happens , i could not speak easily . i many times i have to think what i have to say now.
please tell me the solution . thanks a lot.
This is a common problem. Often we can be better at writing than speaking, or better at speaking than writing. The only real solution is to practise as much as possible, so that you can feel more confident when you speak. It's fine to think about what you have to say before you say it, and with time and practice, you will find that it becomes easier.
Thanks this is the better postal to learn some mistake. When I read this I solved so many queries.
Would you please clarify the following for me?
"How can we serve you better?" or "How may we serve you better?"
Which is correct?
Thank you for your time and trouble.
Both are fine, although "may" makes the sentence more polite and formal.
dark >> You have said what i really want to say.
From this site, i learned a lot about social skills, even though i don't speak much english in peacetime. I wish i can travel to foreign countries someday, then i can use what i have learned today.
Thank you!
hi clare, i wish i can speak english fluently, but i'm scared to make mistakes, and everybody will laugh at me..i hope i can learn and improve my communication in english..
how to ask permission, when some body blocking my way and i want to pass it.
Excuse me. Can I get past?
I just would like to thanks all people and especially Clare about these topics, and I wish I can improve my english.
i wish i can find somebody to speak English with me.i donot have a good partner.and i cant practice very well.if somebody can help me?
You can post a message on the penpals forum to find someone to practise English with.
thank you clare
it is very important to learn us many information about how to speak polite with other people.
clare, what should i do to make my english more fluent?
i understand what peoples talk but its difficult to me to speak actively
i have tried many ways to learn but not too effective to me…maybe im too stupid…:(
Have a look at some of the pages in the speaking section of the site. There are lots of tips for increasing your fluency. Try not to worry about it too much – it takes time and patience to become more fluent!
hi Clare
thank you so much…
i'm so happy to find this website ^^
it's really help me practice English..
would you please give me polite sentences
if i ask the manager that ' is there any job for me?'
(i'll go to US next March because i join the WORK AND TRAVEL …. and i need the 2nd job)
so sorry for my poor english!
"I'm looking for a job. Do you have any openings?"
Now, I live in the United States , but I cann't conecte with the other peopl and I study English in an istatute. Does any one help me to practes speaking ?
Thank's for everyboudy
thanks you so much for these advises , of course we have to use all these expresions , if we didn't use its the others considred us impolite
hi claire
Iam one of thousand people who having trouble in speaking english I been studied or many years but Im still could not speak I can do writing but not in conversation
I been confusing of using present, past and future tense can you give me example of sentences with the same story using of this please. thanks
Have a look at the pages on using tenses in the grammar section of the site. There are lots of examples on how to use the different tenses.
thank u so much, Clare. you're doing a very useful work.
